Showing up

WELCOME BACK TO THE JOINT ACCOUNT

Last Monday, I sat at a restaurant in a random New Jersey strip mall, getting mic'd up for a pilot episode of a new reality show. If reading that sentence feels crazy, imagine writing it. When I began my career as a financial advisor almost 20 years ago, I never thought experiences like these would become a regular part of what I do. But unlike my dad jokes on X and strict dimensions for my hair, life is unpredictable. I’m just fortunate it’s been working out in my favor. 

This show is about a topic I’ve frequently meme’ed in the millennial space: adults living with their parents and refusing to move out. My role was to meet with a young, soon-to-be married couple and help them get their financial lives together. The day before the shoot, the mother of the bride presented her daughter and future son-in-law with a document stating, basically, she’d had enough. They have to leave her home no later than six months after the wedding. I knew the couple worked, lived with her, and wanted to buy a house. That’s about it. Lights, camera, action.

I didn’t have much to go on, so I started asking questions. It didn’t take long for me to figure out they weren’t in great financial shape: not enough savings, major wedding bills to pay, limited income, and overspending were just some of the challenges. But honestly, their biggest issue was how surprised they seemed. I was totally blowing up their spot. I realized, they probably never had a single meaningful conversation about money–not just bills and Zillow listings but the real stuff. The big stuff. I could feel the sweat dripping from my hairline. I say this with the least judgment humanly possible, but I wanted to yell, “WAKE UP!” 

I didn’t, though. Maybe it would’ve made for better reality television, but I’m a working professional with real clients. I took what information they shared and outlined their current financial situation for them. We discussed budgeting and cash flow for what seemed like the first time, and I noticed the look on their faces. The lights were coming on. They knew they had work to do, and I hope for their sake, they’ll do it.

The pilot was more of a humbling experience than I imagined it would be. On a daily basis, I interact with prospective and actual clients who show up, because they’re interested in improving their personal finances. Online, many of my followers exist in the financial ecosystem. You, the readers, are here to learn how to talk better about money with your partner. Even the couples we’re interviewing for our book have mostly done something, because they’re conscious enough about it to be willing to talk. I’m not saying I’ve lost perspective, but maybe some depth in that perspective. When you live, eat, and breathe in the pocket of this information, you can easily slide into a world of assumptions, even when the statistics and your better judgment tell you otherwise. 

Most people are like the couple from the strip mall. I needed that reminder.

There aren’t any prerequisites to learning more about money with your partner. You don’t need to buy a course or study the markets or even have all of your finance statements printed out. That’s not the entry point. Showing up is the entry point. 

When I used to ride our Peloton (RIP), I remember one instructor always said that by simply showing up, you’re already doing better than most. (I’ll say it was Ben Alldis - let’s give it to him.) I couldn’t agree more. The couple in the strip mall may not have known I was going to bamboozle them with an audit of their financial lives; but they didn’t walk away, either. For them, hopefully, having our conversation together was their first step. 

If this newsletter is your first step, good for you. Send it to your partner. Or else, you’ll have to watch out the next time you sit down for brunch at a strip mall in Jersey. 

Should you have any feedback or wish to chat with us for our book or The Joint Account, you can find us here: [email protected].

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